Real men wear two belts! Lloyd owns fayt
by Lady Yggdrasill
Summary: Lloyd Irving owns fayt liengod! Oneshots on this ridiculous topic. Real men wear two belts in this absurd joke world created by the crazy. Review PuhLeez?


Real men wear two belts is a joke concept created for the purpose of bashing a character. All rights go to Kafe;thekeaton. Fayt Liengod is the main character of SO3, and alas, wears only one belt. This plays off the theme.

Want to know more? Google 'fayt' and in the top 10 catagories your sure to find the site.

Before you Star ocean three fans start flaming me, please note that this is a joke. There is not a sliver of truth about fayt in this, and was created for the sole purpose of coaxing a few laughs out of a bunch of roudy boys.

**You flame, I laugh. Haha.**

**REAL MEN WEAR TWO BELTS**

Dedicated to the wolves

fayt liengod was excited. Tonight was the annual coming of age ceremony for his village, and today, on this day, the whole village would be coming together to see all the 16-year olds. Boys would become men that night, and girls become women. To top it off, a strange group of travelers was staying in the village with thrilling tales on their tongues. After the ceremony, they would talk with the adults of his village, sharing their infinite wisdom. With the ceremony tonight, he would become a man in time to hear it! He fingered the two thin, woven belts at his hip. However, he now thinks some things which are too boring to say, including talking with his friend Sophia.

Finally! Nightfall! fayt slaps Sophia's back.

"Do your best! We're going to become adults for the good of mankind. Justice will be dispensed!" Sophia smiles and giggles. They arrive along with the rest of the 16 year olds, and cluster in a group to be addressed by the Head Elder. The area is lit by torches, and firelight dances on the old man's face.

"Tonight you will leave your body of a child, and become an adult! First, the boys, and then the girls," the old man beamed and continued, "Two outsiders from the traveler's group have volunteered to give you a demonstration of this sacred manhood ritual instead of the village men." The two men walked forward, bowed, and fayt clapped along with the others. The future participants turn their heads back and resume listening to the Elder. "You will walk towards the center, and stand there. Facing the audience, you will take off one of your woven belts. Now, if you are a man, your pants will come flying off from all the power in your body that cannot be contained with only one belt. If you are proven, you will be given 2 belts to contain your mana. Let it begin!

This was the first time fayt had gotten a look at the two men in front of him. The first one was wearing all red, with suspenders and two swords. He had brown hair that stuck up everywhere, and two white ribbons floating behind him. The other one was taller. He carried one sword and shield, and was clothed from head to toe in purple attire. A sheet of Auburn hair covered one of his eyes, and on his face he wore a serious expression. At his waist buckled two light purple belts. Crude stitching and rough cloth of the men's pants suggested that these were made exclusively for the festival. fayt gasped. This was a man! He was overwhelmed.

His mind came back to the present when the strangers started moving. They each took off a belt… and all was quiet. Suddenly there was an explosion! Both their crude pants came flying off, and fayt and Sophia were knocked to the ground with the first, and blasted back with the second! Beneath the tattered remains of their pants were identical pants, much nicer than the previous ones. A nice forethought. Those too would have flown off if they had not quickly buckled their second belts back on.

The audience, all whom were still standing, applauded, while the Elder exclaimed "Those are MEN, boys and girls! Alright, first boy! Neil Rayman!" Neil came up, and similar things happen, except not nearly as powerful. When he was done, he was handed two manly belts. Same thing happened with all the other boys, until, at last, fayt was the only one left. The elder then said "fayt liengod!"

fayt came up, his legs like jelly. He turned and faced the audience, and his hands started to remove the belt. Then with one jerk, it was off.

Nothing.

Happened.

"What's wrong?" screamed fayt, "what's happening?"

The crowd murmured, and shuffled restlessly.

The auburn haired stranger turned to fayt and said "Is it not clear? You are not an adult."

"What..? What do you mean!" gasped fayt.

He sighed, and spelled it out for him, "You. Are. Not. A. Real. Man."

But... maybe something wrong happened! Like… maybe some thread is still on me!" fayt said frantically.

The stranger eyed him with skepticism "If you had not removed the last thread, you being a real man would be evident by now."

A ray of light shot from the sky, coming down to explode upon the space in front of fayt. Slowly a girl, hair as yellow as sunned wheat, stepped onto the stage, brilliant crimson wings streaming from her back.

She opened her mouth as possessed, and words echoed from her mouth, "We of Cruxis bless reasoning."

A member of the crowd cried out, "Ahhhhhh! The divine has assessed liengod!" The crowd riotd and starts shouting "Banishment!"

fayt looked over to the elder.

His words hit fayt over the head and knocked him over, "You have been rejected by our sacred ritual. You fayt, are not a real man. You may not wear two belts, be of cloth, metal, or leather."

The crowd screams in delight. "Miserable failure! Miserable failure," they chanted with monumental glee.

Sadly, (or was that laugh lines crinkling in his eyes?) he continued "To retain rights of being in this village, even as a lowly boy, you must fight a monster." A clink was heard and a wolf jumped out of the darkness near fayt. It lunged towards him and ripped off his remaining belt. fayt screamed, and turned on his heels and ran. But some unknown force converged upon fayt, and he tripped and fell. The wolf attacked fayt, but since he was on the ground, fayt only received minimal damage. The wolf merely got him down to one HP before the Elder called him off. fayt stumbled up, and disappeared into the forest.

Thus we conclude that fayt is not a real man, and Lloyd is.

**EPILOGUE**

As you can guess, fayt was probably eaten by wolves. All the people knew was that the attacks on their sheep stopped happening for a while. Ah. To be sated and full. The attacks most likely stopped happened because the wolves that ate fayt became miserable failures and starved or froze to death.

People wonder why fayt fell down, and could not get up and move well. He was not harmed... much.. by the fall. Experts later figured out why. What really happened was that Presea Combatir, who was in the parallel world next to the one fayt is on, threw her left shoe. Of course it didn't go in fayt's general direction, but he was PWN'd anyway. Being on a different dimension, the effects were much smaller, and did not kill fayt or reduce him to a cowering lump of flesh, beaten and battered on the ground

Sophia, naturally, did not become a real women. Out of pity, I have capitalized Sophia's name. Most of the time.

And why did Colette tell(Possessed by Cruxis of course) fayt to leave the village for two days? It is because they did not want fayt's miserable failure nature to rub off on the replacement for Martel.

Many wolves died that week. This is merely a tribute to their saddening deaths, and to tell all those poor, delusional, miserable fayt fans the true happenings.

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End file.
